tools2connect
Deep Listening.
The 3 Ways of Listening.
Listening seems simple, but in reality it has several layers: agreeing, disagreeing, analysing, judging, empathising, guessing, filling in gaps...
This exercise slows everything down.
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By listening through just one lens at a time, participants notice how much their inner filters shape what they hear. It becomes easier to understand the actual story being told — not the version they create in their minds.
After experiencing all three ways of listening, people gain a sharper sense of their habits, biases, and blind spots. And often, their story becomes richer too.
About The Method
1. Divide the participants in groups of 4​
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Each person will share a situation where they didn’t feel heard or seen.
2. Assign roles for Round 1 & alternate them for Rounds 2, 3 and 4
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Roles:
Person A = Storyteller => tells their story
People B + C + D listen to it without causing interruptions. However, they all listen in a different way:
Person B = Opposer [the critical listener we all have inside of us] => B pays attention to everything in the story they don’t agree with. They provide counterarguments for the Storyteller.
Person C = Supporter => C pays attention to everything in the story they agree with. Emphasise what is good about what is being said. Provide extra arguments that support the message.
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Person D = Witness => listens ‘in-between the lines’ => D gives back the "framing" of the story
[ex. Calimero-frame “we can’t achieve anything because we are so little”]
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3. When the first story is completed the 3 listeners share their impressions through their specfic lenses
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B, C and D share.
A takes notes without a need for defence or discussion. Reflect later on what has been said and how you can change your story to create more impact.
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4. Next round: Switch roles
Make sure everybody gets the chance to tell their story and everybody gets to listen to it in the 3 different ways.
Enrich your story based on what you have heard. Have fun!
This method was designed in collaboration with Frédérique te Dorsthorst - de Muij. She helped us see and understand the power and the art of Storytelling.
If you are interested in learning more about her and her work, please visit her website.